The Power of Feedback
- Jürgen DV
- Jul 14, 2021
- 5 min read
Updated: Feb 18
Do you feel awkward when your boss asks you to come for some feedback?
Are you uncomfortable sharing your honest opinion with a colleague?
Giving and receiving feedback may feel unnatural, but with the right mindset and an appropriate company culture, they can be powerful leadership tools and significant development drivers.
Growth mindset
Do you want to use feedback as a self-development driver or do you prefer to respond, explain and defend?
Think twice because you may risk losing some invaluable information to improve your performance. The first step in using feedback for your personal growth is to adopt a growth mindset.
As opposed to a fixed mindset where people believe that their talents, skills, intelligence are fixed traits, someone with a growth mindset will see their talent and intelligence as a starting point, always looking for an opportunity to learn and grow.
People with a growth mindset will ask for feedback and see criticism as a learning experience.
Feedback culture
How to create a feedback culture, at home or at work, where everyone feels safe to share feedback?
The first step is “listen to understand”. Listening is essential to building trust and trust is vital to feedback. If you trust someone, you believe that person has your best interest in mind and just wants to help you grow. In her bestseller, “Dare To Lead”, Brené Brown uses the acronym BRAVING to describe 7 behaviours for building trust:
B oundaries: respecting others’ boundaries.
R eliability: doing what we say we will. Don’t overpromise!
A ccountability: take ownership of your mistakes.
V ault of information others shared with us. They need to trust that we are keeping their confidence.
I ntegrity: choosing courage over comfort, doing what is right rather than what’s easy.
N on-judgment: people can tell us how they feel or ask for help without expecting judgement.
G enerosity in our interpretation of words, actions or intentions.
The next step is to observe without judgment, just notice what people are doing in the present moment and share factual observations, free from emotional bias.
Inviting others to give specific feedback is another great step towards a feedback culture. For example, ask someone to watch how you make a presentation, specifically paying attention to your voice speed, eye contact or use of stop words.
A valuable, proven method is the 360° feedback, where you ask your supervisors, peers and direct reports or customers specific questions, for example about your communication, leadership or teamwork.
Giving feedback
Giving constructive feedback enables someone to identify their main strengths and areas for learning.
The purpose of feedback is to raise awareness which will encourage the receiver to take responsibility and to put adjustments in place. This will boost their confidence and performance at the same time.
Effective feedback should be timely, regular, clear and specific. It should have the intention to help people grow and improve. Timely feedback will allow you to be more specific and help the receiver to connect your words to their behaviour. Giving regular feedback will support a culture of awareness and growth, avoiding that people feel surprised and suspicious (What does he want from me?) when feedback comes.
At the same time, you should avoid the urge to fix problems, be critical or offensive and focus on key strengths, challenges and obstacles. When you are angry about a missed deadline or upset about a bad performance and eager to share a little blame, just STOP for a while.
Ask yourself, “Why am I really giving feedback? Is it to help this individual? Or am I doing this for my own purposes?”
A great tool for giving constructive feedback is the AID model. AID stands for:
A ction: what are the specific actions that you observed, what behaviour did the person demonstrate? Feedback should always be focused on behaviour and that can be changed, not on character or personality. For example: I didn’t receive an answer on my email from 2 weeks ago or a reply to my phone calls last week and yesterday.
I mpact: what is the impact on the observer, colleagues, project or environment? Talk about how the behaviour makes you feel, using the I-form and avoiding YOU statements. For example: My project is currently on hold which makes me feel frustrated because the customer is really expecting some progress.
D esired outcome: what kind of change in the behaviour would you like to see? How will you both follow up on the outcome (if required)? Using open questions will increase your chances to get buy-in and getting results which may be better than you expected. For example: Your answers are important to move our project forward, what would be the best way for me to approach you to avoid delays? Can we fix a timing now?
For personal relationships, the author Luvvie Ajayi explains three checkpoints whether it’s OK to share critique with others in her bestseller Professional Troublemaker:
1. Do I mean it?
2. Can I defend it?
3. Can I say it with love?
If the answer is yes to all, say it and hopefully, the person receives it as intended.
Receiving feedback
So inviting people to give feedback on very specific areas you wish to improve is a great way to start.
But how to deal with negative feedback? When you feel bad about feedback, take control of your negative inner voice by asking yourself some questions. What is true about their feedback? Which part is coloured by their own state of mind, experience or even anger? What is their intention? Which part can you use to improve yourself?
If you look at their words as gifts, focus on gratitude and open your mind for opportunities to learn and grow, you will stay in control and avoid a downward spiral.
Mastering the art of receiving feedback starts with active listening:
- Focus on what you’re hearing, not on thinking about your response.
- Don’t interrupt, leave pauses before answering to make sure the speaker completes his reasoning;
- Don’t judge the information you’re receiving, you don’t have to agree or disagree, you only have to understand;
- Summarize or paraphrase and ask if your understanding is correct. Use questions like “what specifically did I do (or not do)? What would you prefer I do in that situation?
Once you are clear about the feedback, the next step is to thank the feedback giver, whether you agree or not. Don’t argue about the feedback. If you disagree, it’s better to show that they’re wrong by your actions than your words.
Make sure to apply your growth mindset and look for opportunities to grow. This doesn’t mean that you must change after each conversation: feedback is perception based on the giver’s mental filters. Instead, seeking feedback from multiple sources will create a more accurate picture and allow you to take the necessary action. Informing the giver about your actions will show them that you value their feedback and encourage to continue.
Conclusion
Giving and receiving feedback can be a powerful people development tool. Create a safe environment based on trust and respect and start with a growth mindset, always on the lookout for opportunities to learn and grow. When you give constructive feedback, keep the Action-Impact-Desired outcome model in mind and remember to give feedback only if you mean it, can defend it and say it with love.
When you receive feedback, use your active listening skills, consider the feedback as a gift, don’t argue but remember that feedback is perception.
Tip: if your feedback may threaten the other’s self-image, try telling a third story. Imagine a situation where an imaginary person demonstrates the behaviour you wish to highlight and explain the impact of that behaviour on another person.
Take care & stay safe,
Jürgen
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